“Paint” was written and directed by Brit McAdams and stars Owen Wilson as Carl Nargle, a television painter based on Bob Ross. The film has no coherent plot, so that’s all I can really say about the premise because there isn’t one. It’s just a poorly developed SNL skit stretched out from 2 minutes to a 96-minute-long borefest.
I know it’s trite to remark that watching this film is like watching paint dry, but never has a saying been more appropriate. “Paint” is entirely uninspired, unoriginal, and unbearable. There are ZERO redeeming qualities here. It runs on way past its expiration date of about 4 minutes without a single memorable element, scene, or frame. The idea of Owen Wilson essentially playing Bob Ross sounds fantastic in theory but was completely wasted in execution.
This begs the question: why not just make a Bob Ross biopic? He led an interesting life and Owen Wilson is actually a fun choice to play him. Why bother with this half-baked, grueling, mind-numbing, unholy, despicable, repugnant concept that not a single person wants to see?
Brit McAdams should never be allowed back into Hollywood again after making this abomination against humanity. The screenplay is copy/paste garbage that we’ve all seen millions of times before: a public figure’s life goes into shambles when a younger, superior replacement arrives. Beat for beat the film plays out exactly as you’d expect, only with less wit, entertainment, and humor. Not a single joke comes even close to landing. Each one is predictable from lightyears away and they’re more painful than gleeful.
The mechanics of the writing are borderline nonexistent. It’s almost impossible to figure out where Carl lives and what year the story takes place in. Also, what exactly is this character supposed to be? He lacks ANY characteristics. He’s entirely bland without any gimmick that would make him suitable for even the worst SNL skit, except for the fact that he’s meant to look like Bob Ross. Yet he doesn’t even share any of HIS traits except for the hair!
McAdams’ direction is somehow even worse than the abhorrent screenplay. Every shot is flat, every camera movement is dull and as basic as can be, and every set looks exactly the same. The most embarrassing bit of direction is the execution of the establishing shots, all of which look straight out of Getty Images or, when at their worst, a Barbie Dreamhouse.
Owen Wilson was probably crying after the first screening of this apocalyptic hellscape of a film, begging his friends and family for forgiveness. This is undoubtedly the worst performance of this highly talented man’s career. He has no charisma and is just as lifeless as the script and the brutalized audience. What an absolute waste.
I also need to talk about the wig, because what the hell was that?! I could clearly see Owen Wilson’s real hair underneath it the entire time. It didn’t help that the wig would bounce up and down with each step Wilson took. It’s “Samurai Cop” levels of cheapness.
Do NOT watch “Paint.” It is honestly one of the worst films I’ve seen in recent memory and it almost made me lose faith in the art of filmmaking. It’s entirely forgettable (I was actually forgetting the movie as I was watching it), although it’s impossible to forget the immense levels of pain and suffering one experiences while powering through “Paint.”
F